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Day 1

After my son was born I was in a hurry for him to get older and bigger.  I was under the misapprehension that when he got older things would get easier.  Maybe I'm reading too much into it but there is a good chance that I wanted to put as much distance as possible between me, his birth and what I perceived as my birthing and breast feeding failures.

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With my daughter I knew that her infancy would be fleeting and that older certainly wouldn't mean easier.  Every stage and every day has it's own challenges and it's own joys.  Marigold and I didn't have the opportunity to lie in each others arms all day or welcome visitors anxious to meet the new arrival.  There were school trips to make, dinners to cook, no generous maternity leave salary and there was a deep financial recession to contend with that managed to cast a shadow over everything. 

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But Marigold's happiness for life and unfailing optimism is what on many days kept us going.  Her spirit is so effervescent, her smiles so infectious and her hugs so frequent that it's impossible to feel sad around her.  

One day recently when I was feeling that my role within our family had become overly domesticated, my husband asked Marigold and Auden what they thought mum was good at.  I was praying it wasn't going to be 'putting our clothes away' or 'making macaroni & cheese.' So when Marigold answered quite matter-of-factly, "snuggling" I could hardly stop smiling.

So on the eve of my Daughters 3rd birthday and feeling very nostalgic I am learning not to fast forward or rewind just enjoy each moment for what it is - precious.

Happy 3rd birthday Marigold.  I will love you forever xo

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Snow Angels

This is my obsession at Bump at the moment:

Lukka Cape

And I'm torn over it.  As a business owner I really want to sell it but as I woman obsessed I want to keep one for myself.  The reason I'm obsessed with it is because of one of my favorite movies of all time, "Help".  There is a scene in "Help" when they ski down a mountain and make snow angels while singing "Ticket to Ride."  I love that scene and I love that movie.    I will never have more love and affection for any other band ever than the Beatles.  They remind me of my mum and lets face it, they will always be the best band in the world EVER.  

Ticket to Ride

So if you have to buy a winter coat from Bump this season, please just don't buy the last one.  Thanks!

Fashion - a dirty word?

Personally I love fashion.  I've always been drawn to it.  It makes me feel good, especially when I'm feeling bad.  

When I first moved to New York in 1998, I was having a particularly bad day.  The company I had moved to America to work for was closing it's doors after I'd only been there for eight months, my room mates were pretty unpleasant people and my boyfriend dumped me.  I wanted to cry and curl up into a little ball and return to Scotland with my tail between my legs but I decided to put on my favorite dress, spend a little extra time on my hair and make-up and walked out my front door with my head held high.  

Clothes, with  help from some lip gloss, enabled me to take back control when so much else was spiraling out of control.  The effect might have been temporary, but it helped me put a spring back in my step. 

I'm still in New York, the ex-boyfriend was just one of life's necessary diversions, I'm happily married with two sensation children, and funnily enough I've found personal and professional contentedness in the fashion industry.  Do I owe it all to fashion?  Absolutely not, but my wardrobe has helped me get through times when I felt like happiness was out of my reach.

Unfortunately the 'who' and 'what' you're wearing so often becomes more important than they 'why'.  I don't know anyone who hasn't at some point felt unwelcome in a clothing store.  Fashion is not necessarily inviting, which is why it often has so many bad connotations. Who doesn't love that scene in Pretty Woman when she walks back into the Rodeo Drive salon and gives her "big mistake" speech. If that ever happens about Bump we're doing our job wrong - very wrong.  But fashion isn't a bad thing, it can be an expression of who you are, what you are feeling and it can make you feel good.

We all have those items in our wardrobes that make us feel great when we put them on.  It might be a perfectly worn in pair of jeans, a dress that simply never goes out of style, a classic white shirt that fits just right, an almost thread bare t-shirt that hangs just beautifully or a jacket that was worn by your grandmother AND mother.  It doesn't matter where you got it but rather than what you get out of it. 

So pregnant or not forget the fashion hierarchy snobs, never spend money in a clothing store that doesn't make you feel welcome and enjoy the clothes that make you feel good.

With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes...

I love accessories, I really do.  I have them scattered all over our house.  I have an assortment of hats on shelves, scarves draped here, there and everywhere.  I have earrings beside our bed, brooches on top of cupboards, head bands and hair pins under the sink, cuffs and bangles on shelves, rings in various little pots, bags hanging on door knobs, belts in drawers, and necklaces on mantle pieces.  Don't even get me started on my shoes.  At this point our house has been accessorized with my accessories - much to my husband's dismay.

What I love about accessories is that they can change an outfit completely, with relative ease and without having to make a huge investment.  They can take a look from day to night, or from work to weekend.  A splash of color can elevate a simple look and some well place jewelry can make something casual instantly classy.  Most accessories are also timeless and don't fall victim to becoming obsolete overnight.  They are also perfect for pregnancy. When so many of your other favorite pieces of clothing are forced into hibernation for 9  months or more, the familiarity of well loved and worn accessories can make you feel like yourself when so much is changing.

I am also incredibly sentimental so I love that so many of my accessories are heirlooms handed down from generation to  generation.  I have a beautiful Bakelite brooch shaped like a fox from a beloved aunt, a feather adorned hat from my grandmother-in-law, a gorgeous silk square from my great grandmother whom I never even met, strings of beautiful chunky beads from my grandmother and a wonderful pair of very 70's earrings from my mum.  What is interesting about the earrings that had belonged to my mum was that they were clip on.  When I was a teenager, thrilled with the new holes in my ears, I had the earrings changed for pierced ears.  Who, after all, wore clips!  But now I think that maybe my mum knew something that I didn't - the vice like grip of a baby!

So for about 6-12 months when both of my children were old enough to reach, grab, chew, pull mercilessly and drool over, I was forced to give up even my accessories.  I feared for my earlobes and the future of my necklaces.

Then something miraculous - a baby proof accessory that is fun, functional, stylish and well priced - Chewbeads.  They have been a revelation.  Made from 100% silicone they are safe and designed for babies to chew on.  Now there are of course many things that are designed to find safe refuge in a child's mouth but how many of them are actually designed to look great while you wear them?  Very few.  They are also so well priced starting at $12 of the Cornelia Bracelet, to $30 for the Jane Necklace with a top price of $36.50 for the Hudson Necklace it is hard to go wrong.

  

So if you are pregnant, nursing, entertaining a young child or just love a good accessory I think you'll find that Chewbeads fit the bill nicely.

Nursing Woes

Bella Maternal Adjustable Bra

Without doubt breast feeding your baby is one of those incredible experiences in your life that can forever change you.  

Our bodies are miraculous, they really are.  Not only are they able to give life, they are able to sustain new life with the most absolutely perfect nutrition a baby could need - breast milk.  While sharing this milk with our babies we get to experience a bonding that is absolutely profound.

It never crossed my mind that I would do anything other than breast feed my children.  I had after-all grown up surrounded by lactating mammals on a dairy farm and had a mother who was an adamant and sometimes defiant breast feeder during the 70's when nursing in public wasn't considered appropriate.

I didn't expect that something so incredibly natural wouldn't come naturally to me or my son.  We tried very hard.  At the hospital, rather than the skin to skin contact I longed for with my baby, I was quite literally strapped to an industrial pump to get milk that was then finger fed  to him.  (If you don't know what finger feeding is, I hope you never have to go through it.  If you have gone through finger feeding, we might want to start a support group for survivors of it!)

When we were discharged from the hospital I left armed with a list of lactation consultants. I made an appointment with the first one who answered the phone.  She arrived in a whirlwind of glamor and efficiency when what I really needed though was nurturing and support.  If this had happened in my pre-parent life I would have confidently told the woman she wasn't a good match and found someone else.  But in my new life as an amateur and vulnerable new mother I was quietly submissive.  I tried for another few days to get my son to latch on but in the end I simply couldn't take him arching his back and screaming every time he got near my engorged breasts so I gave up.  I continued to pump, my son continued to grow, and life moved on.

To be perfectly honest though it wasn't something I will ever be able to fully move on from.  Not being able to breast feed my son was, and still is, one of my biggest regrets.  It is something I still haven't 'forgiven' myself for.  I know I did the best I could in a difficult situation, but I wish we could have had a different outcome.

When I was pregnant for the second time I did everything I could to avoid it from happening again.  I read the breast feeding sections in all my old baby books.  The one that resonated the most was from "The New Basics" by Michel Cohen M.D.  (I should add that I often find this book frustratingly blasé especially as an anxious new parent, however it is also often completely spot on).  Dr. Cohen suggests that rather than hiring a lactation consultant you spend time with a close family member or friend who has nursing experience.  

I think there is a lot of value in that advice, but there are a lot of women like me who aren't fortunately enough to have that person, so did some research (thank you once again A Child Grows in Brooklyn) and contacted the wonderful lactation consultant Katherine Lilleskov prior to delivering.  

The first thing she recommended was that I read "The Nursing Mother's Companion"  by Kathleen Huggins. Then, in a wonderfully kind moment, she told not to worry so much about it because every baby is different as is our experience with them.  She was right. After my daughter was born she came out ready to suck.  She latched on immediately and moments after giving birth she lay on my skin and nursed.  

I would never go as far as to say it was easy.  Even with a child who breast fed instinctively, there was cracked nipples, duct infections and production issues to deal with, but I was able to  finally have a mothering experience I have learned never to take for granted.

So pep talk aside, the one thing I will say that is good about bottle feeding your baby, as long as you can tolerate the judgmental looks of some when you pull our a bottle rather than your boobs, is that you can avoid nursing clothes.  In my opinion it is much easier to dress around a pregnant body than it is a nursing body.  However since opened Bump almost 4 years ago there have been enormous improvements in nursing fashion.  I have often loved maternity pieces so much that I've happily worn them while not pregnant, and now for the first time we have nursing pieces that I would happily wear not nursing.

Split Shoulder Dre

We recently added a beautiful collection at Bump by Australian designer Stephanie Schell.  Very few designers have been able to fuse fashion, comfort and nursing access together so seamlessly.  I read once that Donna Karan said the only part of a woman's body that didn't gain weight is her shoulders, so I particularly appreciate this detail in the dress.  Nursing access for all of her pieces is through an invisible zipper under the arm.

Dote Harlow Dress

How to create nursing access in a body flattering shape is definitely a design challenge.  Until recently a lot of styles went for horizontal access.  Personally I think that it isn't always the best approach.  What I love about the nursing line Dote is that they have incorporated vertical nursing access which flows much more coherently with the drape of the fabric. It also allows for items to be made from fabrics that  are softer and more flattering.


I am really excited to see how nursing designs continue to improve. Our tag line for Bump is give up wine, coffee, sushi - not fashion. Now the goal is to find fashion when wine, coffee and sushi have once again been reintroduced.

Five

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I will never forget coming home from St. Vincents Hospital on February 6th, 2006.  I was incredibly sore from an unexpected c-section, exhausted from our 4 story walk-up, my boobs were painfully engorged, I was having no luck breast feeding, and I realized they had just allowed us to bring this tiny 5 lb 8oz child home with us and I had absolutely no idea how to take care of him.

I was more scared and overwhelmed than I had ever been in my life before.  At that moment one of my dearest friends Olivia called.  She cheerfully and enthusiastically said, "Isn't this the best thing in the world ever."  It wasn't a question, it was a statement.  As the mother of an amazing daughter she was talking from experience.  I paused, took a deep breath then sobbed, "No!"

Olivia was of course right.  Motherhood is without a doubt the best and most important thing I will ever do in the world.  It is also the most draining, challenging and exhausting thing I've ever done.  Would I have it any other way?  Absolutely not.

Thank you Auden for the most amazing 5 years of my life - the first 5 years of yours.  I will love you until the end of time.

Bump Brooklyn

Don't get left out in the cold.

Personally I hate the winter.  It almost makes me dislike the joys of fall because I know it means winter is right behind it.  Sometimes I even resent spring because it never gets here quick enough.  Yes I know that summer brings mosquitoes, sunburn, upper lip perspiration, swamp crotch and fuzzy hair, but I will always prefer being warm to cold.  I hate being cold. We're in the depths of January and my 5 day weather forecast isn't giving me much cause for optimism.  I have been forced to give up my imaginary spring wardrobe planning for the immediate necessity of warm and water proof footwear.  As much as I love Brooklyn, I am always almost seduced by living in different hemisphere this time of year.

The origins of this avid seasonal dislike might come from my Scottish childhood.  We lived in a beautiful old farm house without upstairs heating or modern windows.  It was not unusual to see your breath in the morning when you woke up.  Actually there was one radiator.  You would find my sisters, brother and I huddled around it every morning getting dressed.  We would very carefully divide up the radiator into equal sized sections, place our clothes on top to take the chill off and quickly get dressed. I probably do my childhood a huge disservice telling that story.  It makes it sound like I had a frigid and bleak childhood - it was nothing of the sort.  It was an unbelievably rich, happy, almost idyllic one, but it was certainly cold.

Putting on a brave face with my daughter.

I was my own worst enemy though.  Mini skirts and skimpy blouses didn't really cut it.  It took moving to New York in my 20's to teach me how warm weather dressing is done. New York women just know how to do it every season, every year. 

So how do you do it when you are pregnant?  There are some perks to being pregnant in the winter - your body normally runs much warmer with all the extra blood flowing around you body.  The winter of 2006 and 2008 were definitely the warmest I've ever spent that is for sure.

There is sadly a distinct lack of good down coats out there  that will accommodate a bump or a baby, but here are some current options that we love.

Menonove Puff Coat

Harvest Open Cardigan by Line

Ian Cardigan by Line

Even if Kennedy and subsequent male politicians have found hats a challenge to their masculinity, if masculinity isn't something that concerns you, be grateful that a hat is just another wonderful self expression opportunity, and a warm one!  I was told once that you loose up to 50% of your heat from your head.  It is not a statistic I have any way of proving, but I do know hats have improved my winter comfort enormously.  They also almost always make me feel happier because they can be glorious, absolutely glorious.   

  

My friend Lisa Battaglia is an amazing milliner.  Her hats shouldn't be worn if you are feeling particularly shy because you will be inundated with compliments if you wear one of her creations.  Her incredible collection has actually made me almost look forward to feeling a chill in the air. 

"Swinger" by Lisa Battaglia

"Brooklyn" by Lisa Battaglia

Fashion serves as a pick-me-up in my life.  If you are like me it might be time to invest in something that raises your spirits while you wait - patiently - for the temperatures to go up.

 

The Argument for Maternity Clothes

It will come as no surprise that as one of the owners of a maternity boutique I would write a blog post touting the benefits of maternity clothes.  In my defense though if I didn't believe in the value of maternity clothes, I would never have set out to make a living selling them - it would be like a vegan opening up a steak house.  I will endeavor not to make this post a shameless plug for Bump, but the reality is it will probably be about as 'fair and balanced' as Fox News.

I wasn't fortunate enough to have Bump during my first pregnancy, over 5 years ago.  I made a lot of mistakes, many of which definitely influenced my decision to open Bump.  Like a lot of other women who fought buying maternity clothes I found myself 8 1/2 months pregnant and utterly miserable because nothing fit, I had completely lost my identity in how I dressed, and everything made me feel uncomfortable.

So based on my experience as woman with 2 pregnancies under (and over) her belt and 3 years as the co-proprietress of a maternity boutique, here is my argument for maternity clothes.

"Nothing fits any more.  Maybe I should just buy clothes that are a couple of sizes bigger than I normally wear."

Yes you could buy clothes that are a couple of sizes too big or to even start shopping in the men's department (really, please don't) but there are a couple of problems with this solution.  First of all, the waist is probably the only place they will fit.  Secondly you aren't saving money.  If you are going to buy something new, at least buy something that will fit your entire body and flatter your shape.

"Why spend money when it is just for 9 months?"

Most of us have an official or unofficial seasonal budget for new clothes.  New seasons roll around and whether it's through wear and tear, new trends, or the simple pleasure of retail therapy, we add in a new pair of jeans, a summer dress, a winter coat, a great little cardigan or a cute new accessory.  It is rare that any of us will let 6 months pass without buying anything new. So treat your pregnancy like a new season and allocate yourself the same budget you would to any other season.

Secondly the reality is, it's not just 9 months.  It would be nice to go straight back to our former bodies and favorite old pieces of clothing after we give birth but isn't normal or natural.  While our bodies are adjusting enlarged boobs and readjusting to no longer housing our babies we need clothing that is kind to our bodies. 

"I'll just find something cheap/on-sale/consignment that will do, after-all it is only 9 months*."

This was my initial reaction 5 years ago so I went out and bought a pair of black maternity from the pants from The Gap on sale.  I forgot years of standing in fitting rooms trying on pair upon pair of Gap jeans and pants only to finally accept that their pants just don't fit me very well.  But they were $40 so I would make them work.  But they didn't work,  I didn't return them and wore them once.  $40 for 1 day - not a good equation.  Now if I had just bought the pair of amazing jeans I wanted for $180 I would have worn them at least 40 times at much better rate of $4.50 at a day.

Of course if you can find items you love cheap/on-sale/consignment then cha-ching!  But really, don't sell yourself short on something that "will do" when you can find something that you'll love and works for your sense of style and body shape.

*See above.

"I have lots of things in my wardrobe that work already."

This one is actually not something I would disagree with.  With the addition of a bella band and a muffin top stopper for your pants & skirts, a lot of your pre-pregnancy wardrobe will grow with you happily throughout your pregnancy and prevent you from having to re-invent your wardrobe.

It might sound incredibly superficial, but I really do believe in the power of fashion.  It's a way of expressing ourselves.  It shouldn't be all that defines us, but it is one piece of a unique and varied puzzle that we create for ourselves.  When you are pregnant you should absolutely not abandon that, and you certainly don't have to.  Pregnancy and parenthood is such a pivotal time in our lives that it's good to feel grounded in anyway we can.  Clothes are part of that grounding.  So even when you are giving up wine, caffeinated coffee, sushi, unpasteurized cheese, hot dogs (not necessarily a huge sacrifice unless you go to Bark) and 8 hours of sleep, you don't have to give up fashion...or comfort.

www.bumpbrooklyn.com