Everyday Mothers Day

Mothers Day is always filled with many mixed emotions for me.  Until 2006 it was a day I felt sadly disconnected to because having lost my mother when I was ten the reality is I can't really remember celebrating a Mothers Day with my mum.  I don't remember if I made her a card, picked her flowers or brought her breakfast in bed.  I hope I did.

When I became a mother it shifted a little, but if I'm honest the absence of my mum always tainted the day and left me feeling empty and alone.

Then about year ago I had a revelation.  Until that point my sadness over the loss of my mother had been in many ways a selfish one - that I had grown up without her.  But as I marveled casually at my children it hit me that her loss was in some ways so much greater - she didn't get to watch her 4 children grow up as I was watching mine.  

It wasn't even about the firsts - first tooth, first step, first day of school, first day of college, first job, first true love and first grandchild - it was all the little things in between.  It was the unexpected kiss on the knee for no reason at all, it was the handwritten note with a love heart that now lives in my wallet, it was the tooth knocked out before it's time and placed under a pillow for an unprepared tooth fairy, it was the little warm hand that still reaches to be held when walking down the street and the dozy smile early in the morning.

I know it's sad not to expect a lifetime with my children, but by not taking that for granted, I have become hedonistic with the time I have with them, and I have started to enjoy the simple pleasures of motherhood so much more.  There are many landmarks in life, but it is the days leading up to them can be so much more meaningful.

Optimism

It should never be underestimated how much we can learn from our children.  Today I was reminded how wonderful optimism is.  

I was about to leave the house with my 3 year old daughter and we were putting on rain boots, warm coats and hats.  It was cold, wet and very gloomy.  She then went to get her sunglasses.

"Marigold, it's raining."  I said politely.

"But Mumma, the sun might come out."  She replied.

I loved her optimism.  

"Yes Marigold, you're right.  It just might come out."

So we both left the house with our sunglasses, just in case.  And you know, I swear I saw the tiniest bit of blue sky.

Five

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I will never forget coming home from St. Vincents Hospital on February 6th, 2006.  I was incredibly sore from an unexpected c-section, exhausted from our 4 story walk-up, my boobs were painfully engorged, I was having no luck breast feeding, and I realized they had just allowed us to bring this tiny 5 lb 8oz child home with us and I had absolutely no idea how to take care of him.

I was more scared and overwhelmed than I had ever been in my life before.  At that moment one of my dearest friends Olivia called.  She cheerfully and enthusiastically said, "Isn't this the best thing in the world ever."  It wasn't a question, it was a statement.  As the mother of an amazing daughter she was talking from experience.  I paused, took a deep breath then sobbed, "No!"

Olivia was of course right.  Motherhood is without a doubt the best and most important thing I will ever do in the world.  It is also the most draining, challenging and exhausting thing I've ever done.  Would I have it any other way?  Absolutely not.

Thank you Auden for the most amazing 5 years of my life - the first 5 years of yours.  I will love you until the end of time.

Bump Brooklyn

What to bring when giving birth.

 St. Vincents (big sigh)

With the benefit of hindsight, there are 2 things I wished I had brought to the hospital with me when I gave birth to my first child 4 years ago - make-up and an open mind.

 Name tag (just in-case I forgot who I was)

I left the first behind because for some reason I thought that make-up  wasn't maternal or necessary when you are basking the glow of new motherhood.  That is probably because my maternal role model, my incredible mum, never wore a scrap of it.  She gave birth to 4 children in an 8 year span, ran our family farm, breastfed effortlessly and parented exceptionally, all without facial enhancements.   I'm sure her reality wasn't as simple or easy as it was in my mind, but she is still worthy of the pedestal I have put her on.

 My little bundle.

But as I left the hospital feeling unbelievably fragile when absolutely everything in my life seemed to have changed overnight, I wish I had put on a little lip gloss or blush as it would have made me feel more like, well...me.   

 Me and my little bundle.

When my second child was born during a cold December I knew I needed a warm robe.  It was my mission and when I found the perfect one, I felt so much more prepared to give birth.  Honestly I think I might have worn it twice, but it more than served it's purpose putting my mind at ease on the eve of her birth.  In addition to my robe I brought with me menus for local restaurants (honestly, there really is no need to eat hospital food), warms socks, the phone numbers of several lactation consultants and a well stocked make-up bag.

 Me and my new bundle and my now big first bundle.

The second I left behind because I never considered that I could have a c-section and certainly never read that chapter in my assorted pregnancy and birthing books.  If I had read about them I would have understood why they are necessary and accepted that as the method of my son's arrival.

Going home to Brooklyn.

 

So in closing I am not necessarily advocating make-up or chapter reading, but I am encouraging that you give yourself what you need to take care of yourself when you meet your baby for the first time.  Bring with you what brings you comfort and makes you feel like you. I lost sight of who I was as I searched for the new mother in me.  When I reclaimed myself, motherhood felt so much more natural. 

Bump Brooklyn

3 Years of Bump

Bump really should be called Bump & Sons & Daughter & Husbands, as it truly a family business.  Walls constructed, curtains sewn, furniture assembled, walls painted (and repainted) all by our family and friends.  

I will never completely understand how she did it, but SaSaDi was in her first trimester with her second son when we spent many long days and nights putting everything together.  Quite in character, she never complained. 

Bump has also literally become a home away from home for our children. My daughter Marigold spent almost 4 months at Bump when she was an infant playing, feeding, sleeping and re-merchandising our sales bins.  When SaSaDi's son Zachary was barely 1 month old he assisted in our first ever inventory overview.

Our oldest sons (and BFFs), who first toddled around the store when they were only 18 months old, are now getting ready for pre-k. Time really does fly.

When we first moved into Bergen Street our only neighbor was a book store that has since moved to another location.  Now Bergen Street has an array of businesses that is hard to rival - gourmet hot dogs, sex toys, vegan delicacies, men and women's wear emporiums, comic books, culinary delights, yoga attire, boarding and biking gear, and to round it all off a hardware store.  Our wonderful block has most definitely become a destination.

One of my fondest memories from our opening day was when our very first customer was treated to an unexpected game of peek-a-boo from our sons when she was in our fitting room.  There have been many more games of peek-a-boo played over the past 3 years, and I suspect there will be many more.  Curtains are after all irresistible when you are little.

What is most gratifying for me about Bump is who I get to spend my days with.  Not only do I have the most exceptionally smart, dedicated and down right lovely business partner, but I have been lucky enough to have worked with incredibly talented, kind and considerate women.

And then there are our customers.  Oh where to begin!  We quite literally wouldn't and couldn't have done it without you. Your support of our business has picked us up when we most needed it.  I can quite honestly say that I never ever tire of hearing about your pregnancies or learning about the birth of your children.  I marvel at your strength, I admire your mothering and I learn from you every single day.  It truly feels like an honor to be invited into your lives at such a profoundly transformative time.  There is not one mother who has walked into Bump that hasn't left an impact on my life.

Thank you.  Truly. 

Gratitude

(The Bump Boys)

I probably shouldn't start to write about all the wonderful things that have happened as a result of opening Bump as it would make for a very, very long blog entry, but I can't let the weekend pass without expressing our gratitude.

First of all, I have to thank Blue Marble Ice Cream for providing us with their exceptional ice cream. For some reason there was initially some hesitancy to stop for free ice cream (I know!), but a lot of people turned in their tracks when they heard it was Blue Marble Ice Cream we were giving away!

I would also like to thank Women In Need, Inc. for being there for women and their children when they have no where else to turn.  We are so glad that we were able to support your amazing work.

And to our customers, a huge thank you.  You are so incredibly supportive of our store.  Many of you came out of your way to support us on Saturday when your need of our services have long passed.  There are many ups and downs to small business ownership, but it is your continued support and enthusiasm that keep us going.

Finally, and personally, I have to thank my children, for making me a mother.  It is the most important thing I will ever do with my life, and I will spend every day I have being the best mother I possibly can to you.

A Mothers Day Challenge

I'm a NPR junkie.  I suppose after all the years of resisting, somehow we do all turn into our parents!

Serendipitously about a year ago I happened to listen to "This I Believe". It was about a woman who had suddenly lost her mother and wished she had known her better.  I was so struck by the piece because I too had lost my mother suddenly when I was a child and I have spent the past 25 years wishing I could ask her questions about her life.  

There are many things I can ask my Dad, my Grandfather, or Aunts and Uncles about, but it was the little things I wanted to know - the smaller pieces that when put together make a more complete picture.  I didn't know who she first voted for when she turned 18, what her first impressions were of my father, how she took her coffee (if she even drank it), and where she longed to travel.

So last year I sat down with a pen and began to write down some things about me that might be forgotten over time.  It's wasn't a journal - I absolutely don't have the self discipline for that - but it was a collection of some of my little jigsaw puzzle pieces.  I voted Labour in 1996, thought my husband was far too handsome to be a nice person (thankfully I couldn't have been more wrong), milk with 1 sugar, and I have a hankering to take a trip on the Trans Siberian Railway.  It's a work in progress.

I hope, of course, that I will share a long, healthy and happy life with my treasured children, a life that will be filled with all sorts of questions and answers.  But if for some reason I can't, this little notebook will hopefully help them know me a little better, and answer some of the questions they might have, or provide answers to questions they didn't even know they wanted to ask.

So my challenge is to think about what stories you have that you would like your children to know about you, and to write them down. And if you're really lucky and you still can, ask your mum those questions you've always wanted to, because I also believe that we should truly know our mothers.

Bump Brooklyn

The Dreaded C

Like the vast majority of mothers who have had a c section, it was not at all how I ever imagined giving birth. I didn't even read that chapter in my otherwise well read pregnancy book. I was going to follow in the footsteps of all noble women in my family before me - I was going to push my children out. I tried pushing. I really did, but 2 hours into it we hit a problem and my son needed to come out quickly. As I was wheeled sobbing into the ER my doctor assured me that my scar wouldn't be big. Big?! A scar was the least of my worries. I suddenly felt the first intense wave of maternal love - was my son going to be ok?

My son was fine. After a couple of hours in the NICU, which felt like an eternity, we were reunited. But having a c-section left it's mark on me - literally and figuratively. I think that I almost certainly had a touch of post traumatic stress but the most ensuring scar was that I had failed at the first act of motherhood - giving birth.

I sometimes find myself a little resentful of the natural birth movement and of movies like "The Business of Being Born" not because I think there is anything wrong with their message which is empowering women to be aware of their choices in child birth, to regain control of their bodies and their babies journey into the world. I am resentful because it makes me feel that I have failed, that I made wrong decisions, or that I need to defend how my children were born. At some point in the birth of our children we do have to put our lives and those of our children in the hands of a medical team we trust will make the best decisions on our behalf. There is no failure in giving birth, and like every conception and child are unique, so is every birth.

Although this blog is designed to share thoughts on pregnancy and motherhood with fashion in mind, the greatest fashion statement is the one we make with confidence and self assurance. That confidence and self assurance only came for me when I accepted and embraced how my children were born was 100% natural...for me.


Bump Brooklyn

Fashion Week - mother of 2 style

It never quite makes sense to me that I can be awake at 6am yet still struggling to get out the door by 9am. I should be washed, groomed, dressed, caffeinated and fed, with time to spare to read the newspaper. You'd think.

So if getting out the house on any given morning can be a challenge, getting ready to attend the New York fashion trade shows is quite another story. They are attended by some of the most stylish, elegant and well put together women you'll ever meet. A daunting crowd to spend a Sunday with.

Standards have to be set.

I would say that as a rule of thumb, if you can't remember when the last time was you washed your hair - it's time to wash it. Washing, however, is the easy part. What to wear is the big question. When in doubt, I always reach for black. My black skinny pants however are lying beside the bed, where I left them 2 days ago, and our grey & white cat is sleeping on them. A lint brush would be nice but packing tape will have to do. My black cardigan is still smeared in my daughter's dinner. My glasses, which take much frantic searching to locate, have fared just about as well as everything else and are covered in little sticky finger prints.

Yet somehow at 9:10 I am out the door. I turn back to see my blueberry pancake covered children have their faces pressed against the sitting room window, still in their pajamas, waving goodbye frantically and blowing kisses. It makes up for the fact that the brown boots, patchy black pants, shirt and navy blue coat aren't really the outfit I was hoping for.

I always get excited by New York Fashion Week. An occupational hazard I suppose. We always look at the non-maternity styles first for Bump. At the very beginning when we were envisioning Bump we always planned on fusing non-mater nity fashion with maternity styles. During our first pregnancies (pre-Bump) we both wore a lot of contemporary fas hions and believe that our customers would appreciate buying styles from us that cad a wardrobe life that would extend after pregnancy. For us it has become a fundamental component for store.

We saw some absolutely beautiful styles that we're excited to bring in for fall and winter. Exquisite fabrics that drape beautifully - pregnant or not. Soft grey, camel, blue and purple tones. Less bold prints than we've seen this year with the exception of Daughter of the Revolution, a fabulous line from California that we adore (pictured).

Next we will be looking at maternity styles. We will continue to hand pick styles that stay true to next seasons trends while offering the best maternity fit. Our goal, as it has always been is for our customers to be able to give up wine, coffee, sushi - not fashion.

www.bumpbrooklyn.com

In Good Company

I've always found incredible comrade with women - never more so than as a mother. I've heard it said that there is a great divide between mothers who work and mothers who stay at home. I have never found that. What I have found is that what unites us is much more important than what separates us.

Pregnancy, child birth and motherhood is beyond transformative. There may be subtle differences in dreams, fears, anxieties, joy, exhaustion, triumphs, challenges and laughter but the love is universal. At Bump we really feel incredibly fortunate to be a small part in a woman's journey into motherhood.

As mothers and small business owners, we face a lot similar retail and entrepreneurial challenges as our small business comrades do. We have almost been in business for 3 years and are at another point when we need to make another professional leap of faith - that of growth.

We sat down yesterday with Amy and Adelaide who are the founders of In Good Company a truly wonderful resource for women business owners. They have the most beautiful space on 23rd Street that is a physical space for women to meet, work, share ideas and grow.

For an hour and a half they encouraged and inspired us, provided valuable insight and acumen, and provided not only a valuable third party point of view but gave us the confidence to move forward.

So after 1 unfortunate false start and a lot of reflection, yesterday we got our call to action and will be launching phase one of our e-commerce site soon. Stay tuned!

Bump Brooklyn