Nursing Woes

Bella Maternal Adjustable Bra

Without doubt breast feeding your baby is one of those incredible experiences in your life that can forever change you.  

Our bodies are miraculous, they really are.  Not only are they able to give life, they are able to sustain new life with the most absolutely perfect nutrition a baby could need - breast milk.  While sharing this milk with our babies we get to experience a bonding that is absolutely profound.

It never crossed my mind that I would do anything other than breast feed my children.  I had after-all grown up surrounded by lactating mammals on a dairy farm and had a mother who was an adamant and sometimes defiant breast feeder during the 70's when nursing in public wasn't considered appropriate.

I didn't expect that something so incredibly natural wouldn't come naturally to me or my son.  We tried very hard.  At the hospital, rather than the skin to skin contact I longed for with my baby, I was quite literally strapped to an industrial pump to get milk that was then finger fed  to him.  (If you don't know what finger feeding is, I hope you never have to go through it.  If you have gone through finger feeding, we might want to start a support group for survivors of it!)

When we were discharged from the hospital I left armed with a list of lactation consultants. I made an appointment with the first one who answered the phone.  She arrived in a whirlwind of glamor and efficiency when what I really needed though was nurturing and support.  If this had happened in my pre-parent life I would have confidently told the woman she wasn't a good match and found someone else.  But in my new life as an amateur and vulnerable new mother I was quietly submissive.  I tried for another few days to get my son to latch on but in the end I simply couldn't take him arching his back and screaming every time he got near my engorged breasts so I gave up.  I continued to pump, my son continued to grow, and life moved on.

To be perfectly honest though it wasn't something I will ever be able to fully move on from.  Not being able to breast feed my son was, and still is, one of my biggest regrets.  It is something I still haven't 'forgiven' myself for.  I know I did the best I could in a difficult situation, but I wish we could have had a different outcome.

When I was pregnant for the second time I did everything I could to avoid it from happening again.  I read the breast feeding sections in all my old baby books.  The one that resonated the most was from "The New Basics" by Michel Cohen M.D.  (I should add that I often find this book frustratingly blasé especially as an anxious new parent, however it is also often completely spot on).  Dr. Cohen suggests that rather than hiring a lactation consultant you spend time with a close family member or friend who has nursing experience.  

I think there is a lot of value in that advice, but there are a lot of women like me who aren't fortunately enough to have that person, so did some research (thank you once again A Child Grows in Brooklyn) and contacted the wonderful lactation consultant Katherine Lilleskov prior to delivering.  

The first thing she recommended was that I read "The Nursing Mother's Companion"  by Kathleen Huggins. Then, in a wonderfully kind moment, she told not to worry so much about it because every baby is different as is our experience with them.  She was right. After my daughter was born she came out ready to suck.  She latched on immediately and moments after giving birth she lay on my skin and nursed.  

I would never go as far as to say it was easy.  Even with a child who breast fed instinctively, there was cracked nipples, duct infections and production issues to deal with, but I was able to  finally have a mothering experience I have learned never to take for granted.

So pep talk aside, the one thing I will say that is good about bottle feeding your baby, as long as you can tolerate the judgmental looks of some when you pull our a bottle rather than your boobs, is that you can avoid nursing clothes.  In my opinion it is much easier to dress around a pregnant body than it is a nursing body.  However since opened Bump almost 4 years ago there have been enormous improvements in nursing fashion.  I have often loved maternity pieces so much that I've happily worn them while not pregnant, and now for the first time we have nursing pieces that I would happily wear not nursing.

Split Shoulder Dre

We recently added a beautiful collection at Bump by Australian designer Stephanie Schell.  Very few designers have been able to fuse fashion, comfort and nursing access together so seamlessly.  I read once that Donna Karan said the only part of a woman's body that didn't gain weight is her shoulders, so I particularly appreciate this detail in the dress.  Nursing access for all of her pieces is through an invisible zipper under the arm.

Dote Harlow Dress

How to create nursing access in a body flattering shape is definitely a design challenge.  Until recently a lot of styles went for horizontal access.  Personally I think that it isn't always the best approach.  What I love about the nursing line Dote is that they have incorporated vertical nursing access which flows much more coherently with the drape of the fabric. It also allows for items to be made from fabrics that  are softer and more flattering.


I am really excited to see how nursing designs continue to improve. Our tag line for Bump is give up wine, coffee, sushi - not fashion. Now the goal is to find fashion when wine, coffee and sushi have once again been reintroduced.